Friday Night Musings.
Written By A Real Person
Friday Night Musings.
Some thoughts that go with the week
This Week
This double bind they have me in, is about to kill everyone. A double bind is a no win situation; where you are damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. It is not working out well for either party. No one is happy, and progress is not being made, and we aren’t communicating.
With no communication, nothing can be resolved. Seems to me, their definition of sanity; it totally nuts. Just completely insane. It is dry, clinical, and lacks any kind of love, or kindness. Without love, they are nothing more than machines, or zombies. Either way, it isn’t good.
I’m not happy. Who would be? Because I don’t feel loved, my life feels very insecure. Because I feel insecure, I’ve sought attention to gain validation. None of my needs are being met. Neither feel loved, or validated. As a matter of a fact, this feels like down right hate. Why are they so ruthless?
Let’s lay this out on the line. Shall we? Is the only thing that they will accept is a JW? Is nothing else going to win their love and affection; and my freedom? Is that the only solution to these problems? Does it come down to the fact it is their way or the highway? Because this feels like torture, brain washing, abuse, neglect, and punishment. I have a right to bitch about this.
If this is just the results of life, and they aren’t punishing me, and this is how life is going to work, who the fuck would want to live like this? Why? It isn’t living. This is a damn living death. Their definition of sanity is totally crazy. There is no love here, there is no fun here. It isn’t living, it is a living death; fucking zombie cat shit. Like a dead cat that is a fucking zombie just existing. Is that the kind of life, that is good? Really, you think so?
I’m tired
I’m lonely, and tired. No one to talk with, or spend time with me. I’ve had two hugs in five years. I’m feeling like, this shit, is ruthless. Peaceful solutions to restore balance, have been ignored, and even after I’ve changed some of my behaviors, I’m still being punished. With no let up.
What can be done, when peaceful solutions have no effect? Seems I could go on a hunger strike, and refuse to eat. That might be one way to make this change. If I refuse to eat until they fix it. That might be my only recourse at this point. They refuse to allow me to have friends, or work, or any enjoyment of living. Until these problems are solved, there can be no good results. This double bind, is killing me. I hope they feel the pain of it as much as I do. Because it isn’t fair, or right.
I’ve laid on the sofa for the last 1.3 years, like a warm sack of shit. No one calls, or comes to visit. No one will spend time with me, or make me feel better. And it seems, I’m being punished. Is this how the world works?
Someone should have cared by now. This treatment, aggravates my condition. It is about to exceed the limits of my medication. The stonewalling, silent treatment, isolation; used like weapons of warfare. Are we at war? Is that what it comes down to? Because this doesn’t feel like a loving situation.
If this isn’t fixed, I’m going on a hunger strike. I want someone that will spend time with me, and talk with me. Feels like everyone is ghosting me. And, I’m damn tired of this shit. Just talking “To” me like I’m a warm sack of shit, isn’t going to work. They have to talk “With” me, or it isn’t going to work. We have to be able to communicate. With no communication, nothing will be resolved. I want answers. I want results.
You Have One Week To Fix This