Existential Boredom

Written By A Real Person

Existential Boredom

Some Things, Change Sometimes. . .

The Problem:

Wouldn’t want everyone that lives, to live like me. Not that it wouldn’t be good to live my life once, for the experience; however, if everyone was living under the same conditions I am, with the same constraints; the world would loose its mind; and there would be the biggest train wreck of an existence there ever was.

In Theory

Some of it is good. There is time for meditation, thinking, and taking things slowly to think about life, and understand it’s complexities. There is time, to work at my own pace, and still have some time to heal everyday. A lot of what I’ve been doing, is trying to heal. The wounds, were deep. Not everything you can see on the skin, sometimes; emotional wounds are more serious than physical wounds.

In theory; some of my ideas are good. People wouldn’t exactly say that I haven’t made good use of my freedom of thought. (granted it is really me doing this thinking, and not some program in my head that runs on autopilot.)

I’m going to work off the belief, that it is in fact my thoughts. People wouldn’t say that I haven’t used my freedom of thought. Seems, in some ways, my life has been reduced to just thinking a whole lot. Like I was saying, if everyone was under the same constraints that I am, life would suck for everyone.

Most of what I post publicly has rhyme or reason to it. It may not all rhyme, but there is some sense to it. Most people, very likely lack the experience to understand it. And, to be honest; my hope is that they never are in situations that they have the same conditions as I’ve had.

The Problems With Being Me

If everyone were to smoke cigarettes, that would make society very unpleasant. It is good that not everyone smokes cigarettes. And really, a person should never really encourage bad behavior in others. At the same time, people are all different, and sometimes we have to allow some variety in what people are able to do.

Not everyone should spend all their time, alone; or thinking about life. It makes for some very real problems. In the event your trying to solve a problem, then thinking about the problem, and solutions to the problem are good, and right and true. You get into problems, when you spin your wheels for too long; and torture yourself with being unpleasant.

Needed to free myself from the constant thinking, and the wheels spinning in negative cycles, and wasn’t able to do such on my own. Needed some real help to free myself from this never ending, great and mighty head game I’ve been playing out, the last twenty years.

Like I was saying, doesn’t really feel like I’m able to do it on my own. And, no one has come to my real aid, in doing something about it. People don’t seem to be comfortable with me talking about the things that my mind ponders.

I’ve had to wonder, if they are maybe not using their freedom of thought, because they want to save it for later, maybe some other better day? Doesn’t seem to me, that it would ever run out; and maybe people should lighten up a bit?

It has created a vicious cycle in my head. Try to reconcile this:

1. Thinking hurts you.
2. Being alone makes you think too much.
3. No one will spend time with you or talk with you.
4. You try to solve the problem, at #2 & #3. Because not thinking, is impossible.
5. They reject you, and shun you.
6. Loops happen again and again while destroying your self esteem, and confidence.
7. No one cares.

See the problem? It should be obvious! Feels like #7 is at #0, and this crap keeps happening to me.