What I Long For. . .

What I Long For. . .

Something Needs To Change

The Problem:

My longing is for something that makes me feel alive. If you don’t really feel like you’re living, then life becomes a living death. Living like that, is a poor choice of life. No one wants to live like zombie cat shit; and really if you want to live like that, maybe something is really wrong with you.

Want to avoid doing anything that causes recurring cycles of pain, hurt, and shame. Vicious cycles are something to be avoided. Anything that causes more pain, shouldn’t be done. Yet, sometimes life can be painful, and there seems to be always some problems. Hence, you want a life that is worthy of living, and something to be proud of.

Solutions

Truth be told, I’m over medicated. I’ve laid on the sofa, like a warm sack of poo, for the last year. Doing nothing much but zombie cat shit. I long for something that makes me feel alive, more alive than I currently feel.

It doesn’t always have to be much. It could be as simple as having the correct conversations with someone over a cup of coffee. It might mean, doing something with someone else that likes me. It might mean, having a pen pal that I can talk with via email.

It might mean, being able to get some satisfaction with my efforts with my writing, and projects that I’ve worked on for some six years.

It could also mean doing some extreme things. Like jumping out of an airplane. At this point, I’m not really getting a rush from anything I’m currently doing. Would like to do something, that really gives me a thrill.

At this point, there is no one that I have a romantic interest in. It doesn’t even really feel like there is anyone that could tempt me with one.

Vacuum

Living my life like it is, in this vacuum, is suffocating. Any normal person would die of asphyxiation in a very short period of time. There are no people to have conversations with that are mutual.

Doesn’t feel like there is mutual love, trust, or respect with anyone here. I long for family that loves me. I long for relationships that are built on mutual love, trust, and respect. Doesn’t feel like anyone wants me.

Watch this video.

My Longing

My longing is for family and friends that like me. My longing is to feel like I’m really alive, and not living like someone’s puppet, or being a warm sack of shit.

My longing, is to feel really alive, like a life force is within me. To be really free, and not be a slave to the chains of cause and effect.