Life On The Edge. . .
Written By A Real Person
Life On The Edge. . .
Life will kill you, some people say you might come back.
The Problem:
On the edge. Either of a breakthrough, or the brink of madness. Somehow, I’ve got to come out of this, and still be a whole person; with my self esteem, and self respect intact.
I’ve done the best that I could. Given the situations, and the conditions that I was under; which was impossible at best. Maybe, I’ve done alright. ? Who can say? No one knows the full story; or how things happened.
Other viewers may see a different picture. To really know the truth, you would have to live my life; that is the only way you could understand it. No one else would ever know the whole story. And, that is best.
Seems the conditions are impossible. The double binds, and the no win situations; all suck. Going to have to free myself from these chains of cause and effect. And free others that I can from them as well.
This is not something one should do alone. Feels to me, like I’m the only real person in this world. What is true? No one to talk with, nor spend time with me. I’ve searched for kith and kin. To no avail.
Seems to me, that no one really gives a shit about me. Been through some tough times, and the road ahead looks like it will be pretty rough. Got to get this shit, under control. Everything is cause and effect. And, the way things are going; the causes are going to effect everyone.
A lot of people, are at the breaking point already; and the real crisis hasn’t even come yet. They are going to all melt into puddles on the floor before this is over with.
There are things, that I wonder about. I won’t say what exactly here. I have however alluded to some things, that a wise person would do well to understand.
I’m at a cross roads. My web site has not performed very well. I’ve been keeping a hosting plan going, for some six years now. And to be honest; it has not seen results. I’m to the point of wanting to shut it down. This site, the after a fashion, will likely stay put. For now.
Seems the ctopher.me site is going to go away. You should check it out, while it is still up. There will be approximately 30 days before it shuts itself down. Today is March 21, 2023. Likely by April 30 it will be gone.
You should go check it out: Misfit.Ctopher.Me
I’ve spend a lot of time working on that site. Several years to be honest. It has both frustrated, and entertained me; for a number of hours. Seems that maybe, I was delusional. I thought; having a website; people would want to talk with me. Seems no one wants to talk with me. Pity.
They could have known me. They choose not to. Not my problem. To people that don’t know me, they would likely never understand; and I’ve tried for years to explain it to them. No one listens. No one reads, or thinks.
To be honest, it seems like a problem to me. You would think, real people would care, and give a damn. Sad world we live in.
Facts:
Life doesn’t work like you would think it does. One must be able to manage their expectations well; especially when working in a vacuum. With no one to talk with, its impossible to know the best ways to go about some things. How else should I have spent my time? Seems this was the best, that I could do under the conditions I am under. And being able to set myself free from this terror, seems impossible. Life is about change. One must be wise enough to be able to adapt to change. And, like it!!!!!!
I’m very bored with the way things are going. Not having much feedback, or support for my efforts; has frustrated me. Several times over. Seems that no one really cared. Or listened. And, that has it’s own problems.
Not sure what course of action to take here forward. Seems that If my body breaks down, and it will eventually break down, and die. Then maybe some good will come from these efforts someday in the future. That at least is my hope. I would have been ever so grateful, had it been possible to see results while I was living. Seems it wasn’t meant to be.
It does make me kind of sad, that I’m going to die a failure. In the event that I had people’s love, trust, and respect; I wouldn’t feel like a failure. The way the cards have been dealt, my advise is never trust anyone in this world. It’s not worth it. Most people, don’t have your best interest in mind, or heart.
Do what you can, to make life cool for people in this world. I’ve often wondered, if people are meant to be strangers in this world? Seems like a sad state of affairs to me. People come and go, the names change sometimes; and they all want to shake your hand.
Maybe, I will die a failure; it however wasn’t because I wouldn’t do my best. Like to see most people try living my life. That would be fun. And, maybe funny. Would like to see how they deal with it. It would drive most people, way out of their minds. You would heave.
I’m bored with the way things are. And, looking for a project to work on. Need something that makes me feel better about myself, and restores some love, trust, and respect. The way things are, seems no one cares.
Hence, after a fashion; I’m going to live best I can. While I can.