A Problem About Love

A Problem About Love

Seems with the current conditions; What Matters?

The Problem:

I’m not sure, what I’m allowed to do, and what I’m capable of doing. Want to balance what I’m allowed to do, with what I have the capacity to do, and get good results.

Want to be creative, and live a meaningful life. Want to have some fun, and feel alive. The memories a person has of life, sometimes is all they have at the end of the line, if they can remember them. I’m not so sure that the memories I have of this life; are really that great. If feels like I’m a failure, and going to die a failure.

There are issues about love, that perplex me. The way things are, I’ve felt alone, and isolated, for some going on; twenty-five years. That is a long time to feel alone like this.

If people accepted me, and showed some love; then I wouldn’t feel completely unlovable. Nothing I’ve really done, has seemed to work in the area of having real love that feels like love.

When people withhold, love and affection; and your not allowed to seek those things on your own, then it results in making a person feel very unlovable. Make someone feel unlovable long enough; it has really bad results. Because, when someone feels unlovable, then they act out in ways that are not lovable. Hence it feels like gas lighting, and double binds so deep that a person can not free themselves from the situation.

Seems, people in this world; have become completely heartless. That is what it feels like to me. Maybe it is true, and maybe it’s not. A lot of things in life really depend on what attitude people have about it. What one person finds easy, can be very difficult for others. So really having the right attitude about things; helps a lot.

And Hence, The Rub

So what I want to know is if my attitude about the current situation; needs to be maintained, or if it really needs to change. How difficult is what I’m doing, and is it difficult, or easy? What would make it easier? And make other people feel comfortable?

Truth be told, I’m hurting. And, no one seems to care. The problem with no one talking with me, makes me feel unlovable. The fact these people ghost me, and ignore me, and my pleas. Makes me feel like they want to get rid of me, and be done with me.

What is the truth of the situation? What is really true? Do they love me, or hate me? I’m not able to tell if this is love, and kindness; or ruthless punishment? It feels like both.