The Lonely Hearts Club
Written by a real person
The Lonely Hearts Club
Somethings, are tough to get over.
The Problem:
I’m going to die, of a broken heart; and, isolation. Seems, no one really cares about that. Not sure, what they really value, or what value I’m going to have to them.
More and more, it seems they only want a warm sack of poo. Been thinking; there should be some club I can join, with others like myself. Where I fit in, and am still allowed to live my life as I see fit.
Really, there is no one to talk with here. It feels both oppressive, and suffocating. Like some vacuum, that I’m going to die in. I’ve broached the subject before; seems, there isn’t a chance in hell of them listening to me.
Desired Effects
I wonder, if I’ve achieved the desired effects that was wanted? I was going for cyberpunk, goth, hacker type. Seems the only points that are aligned with my core agenda, are the fact there are coffee, cigarettes, and music here. Feels like a dismal failure in almost every aspect.
There is a lack of love here, that would leave most people; with a death wish. I’ve somehow managed to get through it, hanging on by a thread, in some world that doesn’t want or need me.
Feels like the desired effects, don’t really match what it was, that I had in mind. Not sure how to change the output, given my current input. Seems to be garbage in, garbage out. And, everything is more instant than interesting. Have to get back to having some real meaning, purpose, and value in life. Hence, the rub. Seems that I’ve developed limited value with those that I care about; and, maybe I’m no longer really wanted.
Real Bad News
Seems, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. And, they couldn’t put him back together again. One should be careful, about eating eggs. Maybe, he will make a good omelet? LoL, learn the lesson there, don’t be a bad egg.
Bored, out of my mind. Really, there is no excuse for that. There is so much to do, and be, and design. Seems my designs, aren’ valued, or wanted. That kind of hurts my feelings. Maybe, it shouldn’t? Maybe, I should come up with some better designs? I don’t have a wife. At this point, not sure that one is wanted.
Seasons
Seems, everything is about the seasons. Sometimes, a season of grief comes to pay a visit, and other times, it is a season of joy. When life is bittersweet, then you get both seasons in one day or year.
This year, has been rough going. Not sure, how to deal with the feelings that arise, or that have come to stay. I keep taking out the trash, in the hopes that something toxic will not be here long. Yet, the way I’m feeling, makes long days feel even longer.
Truth is, I’m not doing very well. Waiting for my death, and some new life; if both come, then that will make short work of this life. Didn’t seem to matter much when I was living, and that makes me sad.
Maybe, my efforts will not all be in vain. Perhaps, there will be my records of the life that I lived, and of some value to others in the future. One would really hope to be useful here. My goal is to be of some use to someone.
These seasons of grief, makes one want to escape the trap. Yet, maybe the only way to heal is having to go through it? Feels like bitter medicine. You would think there would be results from my efforts, and that they would taste sweet when they get here!! That is my hope.
With everything, change! Looking for some change, that doesn’t feel like closing time. Looking for some door, that opens for me; into a new world, and a new life that is both valued and meaningful.
Another Friday Night
It is another Friday night, and the only things that I have to look forward to; is scrubbing the toilet, and doing a load of laundry. Such is life, perhaps, I should make plans to take over some TV network, and play something that would wake people up? There was the video that was made last night, would like to see the masses watch it, and not gag on it.