The Way It Feels

The Way It Feels

It isn’t easy; that is for sure. . .

The Problem:

A person that was under the same conditions as me; would develop some serious doubts about the world, and the human race.

Just The Last Six Years

The last six years have felt like living in exile. Actually it feels much worse than that; however that is the description that I dare to write here. What other explanation is there? It doesn’t feel like a natural life to me.

It feels like I’ve been banished. It doesn’t really feel like I’m wanted, or needed here. Seems I’m not wanted for me. The last six years have been in the extreme feeling of living in exile. There is a very limited amount of interaction, and very limited amount of any real fun.

What is true?

It feels like I’ve had something so much worse than having been robbed. I’ve been denied the very living that makes life worthy of living. The last twenty years of my life; have all been heavy losses.

Before this all started, had I continued on the path that I was; I would have made well over a million dollars in wages. However, the loss of my freedom, is a much heavier loss to bear.

It feels like exile. What is true? People don’t call, or write. Very seldom. Why the treatment? Am I such an awful person and so undesirable that no one wants to talk with me? Why? I want to know!

People don’t come to visit. Want to know what I did today? I doubt you care. Doesn’t really feel like any one gives a damn, about what I did today; or for the last six days. Doesn’t feel like anyone will ever give a damn about how I spend my time. It might be time well used? It might be a lot of time squandered too.

I’m wasting away. My time in this world, is limited. And the way things are, I’m not really sure, that I want to live in this world. Maybe some planet that is far enough away from here, that I still call you a neighbor, but far enough that makes calling or coming to visit; nearly impossible.

And

Really if I am living in exile, this isn’t nearly far enough away from the human race. I’m not able to make friends, or have people to talk with me. I would still want to keep some people around, however, they are very few.

Wanted to feel loved and wanted. It feels like I’m being ghosted, and that I’m living in exile. And really; in the event that is true; they should tell me exactly why they have sentenced me such measures. It doesn’t seem right to keep punishing me, and not even tell me why the punishment is being given. That feels a lot more like abuse, than punishment.

Want Peace Here

Truth is, that I want peace. However, I also want my freedom to live a natural life. That includes doing more than laying on the sofa like a warm sack of poo; and feeling like an exiled hated person.

Consolation

If the human race really does hate me, then their only consolation is that someday I will die and be gone. And if you do hate me that much, then leave me alone and let me live in peace while I still remain. Wanted someone to talk with, however the rate things are going; it doesn’t feel like that is going to happen.

This feeling of being in exile is really starting to get on my nerves. Want to make it better, or know exactly why I’m being punished.

Good communication matters, and if no one will tell me; then it leaves a lot of room in my mind for doubt!!