The Future. . .

The Future. . .

Looking through a bleak lens!!

The Problem:

Life will wear on you. Old age, will distill you. Depression, will leave you on empty. Seems life is never ending battle, and one must be careful, what wars they want to wage.

Bleak

My outlook is really rather bleak at this point. I have very little energy, and not much patience for things that grate on my nerves. The way things are; this feeling of isolation; is a real problem.

The lack of love in my life; is going to make me mean. Between the isolation; and the lack of real love; this shit, is going to make love and kindness; luxury goods in life. Who can afford to live?

Want Peace

Want some relief, that feels like relief. Want some peace; that doesn’t feel like a fucking knife in my back. Doesn’t seem to be anyone that listens to me. The way things are; the world seems to be a dog eat dog world.

Going to have to be pretty damn tough to kill; if I want to survive. And, really there is the problem. Because it feels like my life, is slipping away. I’m not even going to try to hold on to the rope any longer. I’m going to let it, crash into the rocks, below.

Doesn’t feel like anyone gives a shit. And, maybe that is my problem. Sometimes, a person has to feel wanted, and needed; and be of good use in life; otherwise; why live?

This life, feels mostly like an existence. And, I’m not content with that. Really if you are content long term, with just an existence; maybe you don’t deserve to live? You should give that some thought.

Want To Live

Want to live my life. Want to be happy, and have what makes me happy. The lack of love, trust, and respect; will make most men want to die. And, at this point, I’m not going to try holding on to the rope any longer.

I’ve done my share of the effort; and no one else in my life really seems to notice, or give a damn. They ignore me, and I have every reason to believe; they will be most happy when I’m dead. It’s not a love affair.

Want to get far enough away from this world; that gives me some time, to think about this world. If they knew what they could have with me; they would be knocking on my door, and everyone would want to spend some time with me. At this point; I do not feel wanted, or needed in this world.

It’s pointless to argue with them. They wouldn’t believe me, if i told them. They don’t listen, read, or think. And, I find that to be a problem.

When there is no way to communicate my needs, then there are problems that are difficult to solve. Yeah, that makes solving the problems; almost impossible. They won’t talk about this stuff with me.

It’s enough to make a man want to die. Who wouldn’t with the treatment like it is? Seems they don’t want me to live much longer. Because you don’t treat people you want to live; like they do me.

Doesn’t seem to bother anyone but me. Maybe, its my problem? Who can say? Does anyone have the right to say about how people should be treated as a whole? Seems people don’t listen well.

Want to live a long time. Maybe not in this body. But in a new body; most definitely. Want good conditions, and have my health, and mind in good working order. Most people who have that much, can figure the rest of it out themselves. Most people that is.

Doesn’t seem like my future here is all that bright. Most people, aren’t happy that I’m living. And, I find that to be a problem. Because I wanted to be loved, trusted, and respected. And, being respected by many was my main goal.

People don’t seem to understand. Wonder why? Wish that I knew a good answer to these kinds of problems. Seems most people will respect a warm sack of shit; and treat them like they are really something. They however, won’t give me the time of day. Doesn’t feel fair to me.

My outlook for this next year; is getting sick, and dying. That is about the best that I can hope for right now. What I do between now and then, will depend upon what I’m able to do. Hopefully there will be some new projects that I can work on, until the rope slips away, and leaves my life in limbo.