What Will Become Of Me?
What Will Become Of Me?
Some thinking about life. . .
The Problem:
Understanding comes in waves. Imagine, for a minute; that you have one life you live on repeat, and each time you live that life, you have amnesia. So you don’t remember the last time, you lived it. Everyday is a mystery. Yet, what you do remember, is that it’s not the first time you lived it. That will muck with your head, if you think about it.
What Will Happen
Maybe, something good; maybe something bad. You never know. The way things are, it is possible to tell you this much; i want a lot less pain. The emotional pain, that I’m in, would surprise you. If the emotional wounds, were flesh wounds, I would be dead already. Doesn’t seem to bother anyone but me. I don’t always talk about it. Or how it hurts.
The physical pain levels are at a high right now. I would say that the pain is 8+ pain levels. If you knew, or understood the physical pain I’m in. It would be too graphic, to explain in this post. I will spare you that.
What will become of me?
The way things are. I have no idea what to expect. I’m at a complete loss for what comes next. The suspense, is killing me. Would like to walk away from this life; and have an oh wow! Nothing but a light scratch, and a lesson that I don’t have to do this shit, again; for a long time. That would be some comfort. In the event, that I could score myself, five or six eons of living life, and doing some fun stuff; it would be worth it.
I won’t go into the worst case scenario. Let’s just say; it wouldn’t be pretty.
Want good results from this stuff. Want good results, that work. That is the only thing that is going to work for me. Have to be able to live with it. Want life better than it is now. By a lot.
Need
Need some new wetware. This suit, is worn, and is about to fall apart. Not sure, how much longer, this wetware, will be able to endure; this much pain. I’m at the breaking point now. The way things are. Not able to change this stuff, and it doesn’t seem to bother anyone, but me.
Need someone to talk with. The way things are. The isolation is a deep wound. It is a deep emotional wound. And it doesn’t seem to be able to heal, when left alone; because, the isolation keeps breaking the wound open. And every time it happens, the wound gets deeper.
What Will Become Of Me?
There are things, that i do not know. Or even understand. It feels a lot like i’m hated, and not wanted. And between the isolation, and the feelings of not being needed; life has ways of breaking you. They say: “The last chapter will break you.” Not sure, what I should do about this shit.
Seems, need to keep low, and keep my mouth shut. Still, need some affection. And the way things are going, time is running out for me.
The day will come. No one knows when, or how. Everyday; everyone is waiting for the bus. You know? Feels like the bus is late. Maybe, i will make my flight, and get the fuck out of here. Looking for some exit, to a better world. You won’t understand it; but maybe I will make my flight.
I’m sure, tired of this world like it is. Looking for some solutions, that work for me. Want good results; and it matters where we land. So what works?