How Far?
How Far?
How long to go?
What Counts?
49.27 units into my life. How far must one go? Seems the results, that we want most; are likely literally at least an eon away. And really; there is no giving up; or quitting. The time, should be spaced out, in increments, that the mind can deal with.
What will happen?
When dealing with things, that are long in absurd ways; it helps to pace yourself. And be very patient with the way things are going. My thoughts, are that it helps; to also have a sense of humor.
Seems my humor, could use some work. I’ve become, a little salty. I’m not sure if this is table salt, or nicotine salt. Knowing the difference, would make a lot of things better. (Maybe)
One should use, salt with moderation. Seems, I’m smoking, two packs a day. Which they say; isn’t good for a person. There are however, people that are dying from lung cancer; that have never smoked a cigarette a day in their lives. It all feels like playing Russian roulette. You never know, what will happen in life.
Want results
Want results, that work like they should. No one to talk with about what results, that I really want. There is only my thoughts, and my writing. Tonight, there were only- one hundred and ninety-one words in my journal entry. Didn’t feel like writing there, not tonight.
Most of the time, I hit at over a thousand words per entry. The last few days; have worn on me; in ways that make me hurt. I’m just not feeling it right now. I’m not sure, how to describe how I really feel. And, I’m of the mind, that there are not words, in the English language to accurately describe; how I really feel.
Not knowing, what the results; are going to be; is enough to drive a man mad. Living my life, is a lot like being trapped in an infinite loop; and having amnesia not knowing, what will happen.
Want good results, that work like they should. Want love, and peace. There are other things, that I want; I won’t go into details about them. As a hint, I would tell you that I want to reach the end of this infinite tunnel.
Feels like the results that i want, are really eons away. And, I wonder; how long that I can make do with the time given to me. I’m not well, and there is much, that I’m lacking in my life. Wanted life to be better. sometimes, things are perfect; the way that they are. However, getting other people to understand, what my needs are; is difficult. It doesn’t feel like we communicate well.
Really I’m worn. Want results that work like they should. One must be prepared, for a long ride. How long? No one can say. It could be a matter of years, it could be as short; as a few months. No one knows. And really surprises, can be good things.
What can be said, is that I will be happy when there are results; that I can work with. Want good results, and some peace of mind. Really knowing how things are going to fly; would give me either a good case of peace of mind, or a nervous breakdown. Either way; want results that work. And my limits are set, about only having good news about this stuff.
So what I need, is some peace of mind. That things are going to be okay. There is only so much pain, that I can take. And, I’ve about had all the pain, that I can deal with, and remain in my right mind. There are pains, that I wish to be free from.
We are tired
Some peace of mind, would be good right now. Which means, that there is real need for some good news. It would be some comfort. Like i’ve been saying; want good results, that work like they should.
When you have to deal with infinite spans of time, its important, to keep in mind, the present moment. Be aware, have a care.
Tired, worn, but not worn out. There are pains, that I wish to be free from. Seems in this infinite loop; maybe the pains can be minimized; and maybe still live a life; that is uncommon.
That would be my hope, that there will be good results; and that the pains, won’t be back for a while; long enough that I forget about them. Really if life were made a lot better, I would forget these pains for a while. And that, would be good for me.
Once there is a working solution; nothing will ever be different. Over, and over again. Until the system, is reset; so that I can make changes. This system, has been a major problem; for much longer, than twenty years. Yet, if this system is working like it should; nothing will change. In increments of time, that we can deal with; nothing will ever be different. Once that working system is in place; it is a long ride back to home. The only thing, that can be done, is ride the ride. And, you will like it; regardless.
I want to see; what the results are going to be. Maybe in the event, the results are good; then there will be some real peace of mind. And, in the event; the results are bad; I’m going to have a nervous breakdown; melt into a puddle, and have some real bad days.
Life, is like playing Russian Roulette. You never know; what your going to get. I have a quote; if you want to know what it is; ask me. I won’t post it here, because some people would find it difficult to stomach. Want good results; that work like they should.
Still, looking for some good news. Thus far, I’m not yet decided, on how things, are going to fly here. Maybe, this boat will fly; and maybe the boat will sink? How can anyone ever be sure about it? Want good results.