2023 Year In Review

Coffee

I’ve consumed, enough coffee this year. While the coffee fairy has been on vacation; I’ve been brewing my own coffee in the mornings. Using a cold coffee press, and letting the coffee infuse itself in water overnight in the fridge. So far, it seems to be working well.

The usual drink, almost always. It is kind of funny. The barista knows who I am, well enough; that the only thing that I have to say when pulling up the drive thru speaker, is: “Hi there!”

They know my order, well enough, most of the time, I don’t have to talk much. Sometimes someone new is working, and that is always a mess, trying to get them to understand me well enough to place my order. They should have a sticky tab, on their register, for the newbies. I’ve thought about it.

Sometimes, I will throw in: “It’s Me!” However, it doesn’t happen very often. Only if I recognize their voice. It happens sometimes.

Cigarettes

This year, the cost of cigarettes is enough to drive a man, to seeking other pleasures. At 50 cents a pop; they are almost too expensive to enjoy. To the point, that someone would feel guilt at wasting one. It’s happened.

I’m not going to quit. You can forget it.

One Long Bad Day

Seems, everyday is exactly the same. As the saying goes; SSDD. Which stands for Same Shit, Different Day. And it feels often like one long nightmare, that I’m going to never wake up from.

Today won’t be different, in a hundred yesterdays.

— Johnny Cash

There is some comfort to be had, I guess; if you can take pleasure in the music, or the coffee, or the cigarettes. Even then, sometimes; you get tired of the same flavor.

The Crickets

This year, has been rough with the crickets in the back yard. We live, on the side of a crumbling hill, that is open enough; that its almost impossible to do anything about the problem with the crickets for several months out of the year.

The crickets started in June, or July this year. And after a few weeks into it; I was loosing it, big time with my patience. I was praying that the temperature would drop, and the buggers would shut up. There was some things, that I unsuccessfully tried doing, to make them shut up. It was however a dismal failure, until about October, when the temperature really did drop to below 50 degrees.

Next year, there will be warfare waged on the crickets. I don’t want to hear them, come next year. I’ve had all of them, making noise that I don’t want to hear. The only comfort, is that they have shut up for now.

Music

There was some new music that came out this year. I won’t say who I’ve been listening to. I will say; that my mix of music that is all classical music for while I’m sleeping, hasn’t changed, since last year. You should see, the play counts on those songs. Its well in the thousands of plays.

Video

This year, I’ve tried to make some videos. After subscribing to a few services that provide AI voice text to speech, I was able to use those voices, to do my videos. I do not believe; that it has gone over very well. With the subscriptions that I had to use to make my videos, the cost per video to make them, was unreasonable. Yeah, $35 bucks a pop to make 18 videos. And the response, has been an awful failure. I would be better off, smashing my tv set.

AI Art

This year, I’ve used an few services, that generate art through using AI. My findings are still, on a fence about the use of AI art. I like a lot of it. Some of it, is really pretty good. It is quick, and gives you a hit of dopamine. But I’m not sure, how useful they will be in the future.

And, being an artist, I feel its better to make art yourself. The text prompts, to generation of art, is pretty cool. And, it’s good for quick and dirty prints that are mostly unique. They have been useful to me, for making the artwork for my blog posts, because that is what I’m using them for.

Photographs Taken

Didn’t do much of anything with my photography this whole year. That makes nearly two years in a row; that I’ve done almost nothing with my photography. There was one good photo, that I liked.

That was the extent, of my creative work with a camera this year. I feel so awful about having done nothing with my photography this year. Thinking about it, I would like to do some new stuff. Not sure, what I would create, but want to do something with it.

Writing

This year, has been somewhat brutal for me. I’ve not written much. My personal Journals, I’ve only written: 433,881 words this year. Most years, I was hitting 1M words in my journals.

My writing here at After A Fashion, is also been reduced by a lot. This year, there was only 112 stories that I wrote. And, don’t even get me started about what the stats look like on those articles. Most people, aren’t reading.

To be honest, when I stop writing; I’m going to die. Seems, that I’m going to die, a failure. No one really cares. What a shame. Wish it were better.

Health

While my mental health seems to have held steady this year; so far, I’ve gotten through the year with very few real anxiety problems that were of any concern. And most the time, I’ve been on an even keel that is manageable.

What I will say, is that I’m over medicated, and drugged into a stupor, being nearly a zombie. This feels a lot like a living death.

However, my physical health; I’m not even going to talk about with you. I will say, that my hopes are that things, start to happen with this. Maybe, things will be something of worthy of notice.

Zombie Shit

This year, much like last year; has been mostly been zombie shit. A lot of laying on the sofa, doing nothing but thinking silently to myself. Really it would be better, if I were to do my thinking, sitting upright; because all this laying flat on my back, is making me very weak physically. I find it difficult to sit up, for very long.

No one really notices, or seems to care. I’m getting very weak. Wish it were better.

Interesting TidBits

Bought a painting this year. From a good artist. It did brighten my room, and gave me something to think about for a while. If you want to know, who the artist is; ask me. I will send you a link to her work. I will include a photograph that I took of the finished, framed piece here.

Conclusion

This year, has been made of mostly music, coffee, and cigarettes. My dad did spend about four days, that I was able to see him in the afternoons for a few hours.

I’ve had one pen pal, that has been a source of some comfort. And, I’m thankful that they have been around to write me, and have some conversations with me about life.

Other than that, I’m living like a warm sack of poo, and waiting for my existence, to fade away, into deep black nothing. Maybe, if you read everything here at After A Fashion, you would know, exactly what I want. My real hopes, is that is what I will get. But you will never know; unless you read everything here, at After A Fashion.