The Memories Have All Faded

The Memories Have All Faded

There is nothing left of me. . .

The Problem:

All of my memories, have faded, to the point of being washed out; and forgotten. No joy, no love, no hate. I’m nothing. No one cared.

I feel a deep sense, of having failure. The way things are. I’m to the point, that I do not wish them to hate me. I wouldn’t wish that burden, upon anyone. Want peace with them. Want to be loved.

Aching to be. More. Better. Stronger.

Want life, to be pure magic. The kind of living, that makes life worth living. It would help a lot, that I could remember it. The way things are; no one cared. I’ve laid on the sofa, like a warm sack of shit; like a zombie; drugged stupid, from the meds from PSI; until i’m nothing.

Something isn’t correct. Feeling like I’m waiting for something. I have a goal to reach. Holding on to the past, only causes me pain; I’ve had to learn to let them go. Because the pain of holding on to those memories; is simple too much to endure. The way my life used to be, and the way my life is now; it is painful to hold those memories dear.

Waiting for total obliteration. Of my mind. No one wants me, like i am now. Seems they used to love me; back when. They don’t love me now. I don’t wish them to hold on to that hate. Hate is a heavy burden. You have to let that stuff go. If you want any kind of life worth living; you simply have to let go of that hate.

Really its the only way to be happy. Feeling like, the way things are. People don’t want me to live much longer. That kind of hate, is pretty toxic. Who can be happy with those kinds of burdens?

Wish they would make up with me, while i’m living. Seems its too much to ask for. Maybe, i’m not worthy of them? Who can say?

The way things are. Love helps a lot. Don’t wish anyone the burden of hate.

No one cared. no one will miss me. They don’t know me now. And, the way things are; they might not ever know me. They don’t read, think, or listen. Feeling like, damn it. Wish i could have reached their hearts and minds.

Hate blinds. Let that sink in.