Starting A Project

Starting A Project

No Phone Calls Please

The Problem:

I’m not sure if it is a question whether I can put my butt, in the chair and do the work; or if it’s problem with a short between the headphones.

Project

I’m not sure, if it will do any good. Truth be told, no one is reading right now. I’m going to take a few weeks, or maybe a whole month; and write a book. I’m not sure how long it really will take me. It’s not only a matter of doing the work, but also of being able to focus enough to accomplish the mission.

I’ve spent the last two years, laying on the sofa; like a warm sack of poo. I’m not really sure, if i have anything left in me to write about right now. I’ve got some ideas, for a story that i want to tell.

Some things, are going okay. I guess. I’m not feeling too good. Sometimes, i hurt a lot. And, the isolation is kicking my ass. I really want to do this project, and as long as nothing comes up for me between now and then; my goal is to work my butt off, and make this project happen.

That said. I’m not going to take phone calls for a while. I’m very, very busy. If anyone asks I’m indisposed and not able to come to the phone. Understand?

Looking for some hope, when things look bleak. People don’t read me much. Want people to read me, and give me some attention. Because the affection, would feel good. I’m starved for love and affection.

Seems, love and kindness are luxury goods in life these days. Want better than that. By a lot. This has to change. I’m not sure, if my next project, even has an audience with the human race. I’m not sure, that any of them, will identify with my plot, or characters. It is unknown to me.

I’ve got ideas about things, that would make most people weak in the knees. However, I find being able to put them down, in ink; might help me. If nothing else, might help me deal with the stuff in my head. You wouldn’t want to know; what my head is like inside.

At one point, I put up some paint in the walls of my mind, because the grey stuff; wasn’t pretty to look at. I however, think the paint is starting peal.

Maybe, i should hire an interior decorator to re-arrange my head? They could put a nice sofa in there, and some pretty pictures. Might give me something to look at, besides these blank walls, that look black as night.

I used to see pictures in my head. The meds I’m on, screws with my pretty pictures in my mind. And, some people don’t like the work at all. So the walls are pretty black right now. Wish i could get some pretty pictures in my head again.

That is besides the point. I’m starting a project, and I’m going to have to write my way out of this mess. I don’t know, if anyone will read it; nor do i know, if they will identify with my story. Maybe it’s a lost cause?

Who knows. I’m going to do it anyways. I don’t want to have do anything other than work on my project, for the next month, or so. I’m busy writing, and unless you’re sending me nice email messages; you can forget the response while i’m working on this project.

Such is life. Deal with it.

It might be a matter of putting my butt, in the chair. It might be a matter of coming up with something that hasn’t been done before. It might be great, and it might be a total failure. Who knows? I don’t.

Yet, this project is what i’m going to work on. I don’t care about anything else right now. And, I’m going to try really hard, to focus. Want results, that work for me. And, i want a finished story; that makes the news; at least something that gets published. That would be my hope.

We will see how it goes. I’m forwarding my phone to /dev/null. Until then, send email.